This Valentine season, where couples are celebrating their love for each
other, I am caught in the barb wire. And apparently there are two ways
out of it, as per my 'near n dear' ones that is. It's a situation where
I am being forced to choose between someone who I want to spend the rest
of my life with and my parents. I am being forced to not marry someone
because she is not from the same caste. I am being judged for wanting to
marry someone who I love and who isn't a choice of my parents. Suddenly
I am not the 'good son' anymore who would make his parents proud.
Suddenly my decision-making ability is being questioned and apparently
it's going to bring a lot of shame to the family.

My parents say I don't care about them anymore and I tell them I am
doing this coz I care about them a lot. I am appalled with the
statements that are being thrown at me. I am beginning to realize that
my definition of a 'marriage' is not acceptable.

So what is marriage really? I thought it is an eternal and loving bond
between 2 people who have agreed to grow old together and sail through
both happy and trying times. I thought it is a symbol of love between 2
people who are embarking upon a new journey - a journey where there is
no caste or creed. But I guess in my 26 (almost 27) years of existence,
I haven't gathered the 'real' meaning of marriage. A meaning forced down
by the society, the samaaj. The 'real' definition is that marriage is a
knot which is tied by a 3rd person ensuring that the 2 people getting
married are of the same caste. It is a bond between the 2 families, not
necessarily between the 2 people getting married to each other as that
is not very important. Apparently the 2 people will get to like each
other eventually ('like' mind you not 'love' coz 'love' is just a modern
term which is good only in movies and books).

*Sigh
So much for living in the 21st century!

What appals me more is the samaaj we live in. I don't understand why
there is a constant struggle on our part just to please the samaaj. It's
the same samaaj that would rather point its finger at you at difficult
times rather than being supportive. And it's the same samaaj that would
eye your every success and turn green in envy. May be our generation
doesn't understand the so-called importance of the samaaj. And may be
that's why we are asked this question every time we deviate from the
so-called 'rules' - samaaj kya kahega??

You want to marry a girl/ boy outside your caste? Samaaj kya kahega?
You want to take out a girl/ boy for coffee? Samaaj kya kahega?
You were spotted sippin' on beer with some friends. Samaaj kya kahega?
You want............? Samaaj kya kahega?
How could you............? Samaaj kya kahega?

How could you write against the samaaj on a public forum like this?
SAMAAJ KYA KAHEGA????

I don't know how long it will take before I untangle myself out of the
barb wire. But I know 2 things for sure. One, I will untangle myself
sooner or later and things will fall in place the right way. And two, I
would raise my children the way my wife and I think is correct and never
give them a chance to place the samaaj before anything else.